Convicted and guilty

So today after I finished my Thursday morning kid's time at a local woman's bible study(mom's go to study, I watch and teach their kids :) ) I headed over to the CEF office to work for the afternoon. On the way I was thinking maybe I should go up to the college to figure out some problems with my college schedule and just get to the office a bit later. I decided to just call the college instead and just head to the office. Ha ha that was part of God's plan for sure. So I get to the office and the first thing I noticed was that a familiar looking car was parked outside. It wasn't until I walked into the office that I figured out why it looked familiar. The pastor of one of the churches I did a VBS at this summer was in talking to the ladies. I seen his car at the VBS a few times. The first thing he says to me is "so October 6th from 2:30-4:00pm at my church. You already know the kids so teaching good news club shouldn't be to much of a problem". I protested and told him that that wouldn't work because in a week I will be going to a ceramics class on Tuesday's and Thursday's from 1-3:50pm. He than goes on to convict me by asking if I was going to give up a chance to tell kids about Jesus to flip some mud. I told him I was already signed up to "flip mud". He looks toward the ceiling and starts talking to God for me saying "sorry God. I'd rather flip mud than tell children about you". By than I was feeling bad. He continues to tell me how I should get a refund on the class and teach the kids instead. Than I felt worse. He stayed for awhile longer and talked about other things but I couldn't stay focused on the conversation. My mind kept going back to what he said. That I would rather flip mud than tell kids about God. 
Most people don't know this about me but I feel really guilty really easy. So this guy was pushing button's that he didn't know I had.
I was thinking about how it would be really hard to do this. I would have to change my major, give my boss a new schedule of when I would be available to work, register for a different class so I would have two credit classes and than make time to study to teach a lesson every Thursday afternoon on top of the one I am already teaching the kids at bible study on Thursday morning. That is a lot to change! 
Is this stressing me out? Yes! Does God have a plan in this? Yes!!! 
I think that through this man, God was showing me that even though I thought I had given Him control of my whole life, I hadn't. By not wanting to give up ceramics I was guilty of being selfish and holding on to what I thought I had already given Him. 
Jason is always saying how we should make plan's with open hands, that way God does not have to pry our hands off of them to change the plan. I made a plan and than was holding very tight to it. 
I think I know what I am going to do. Because I know I will forever regret it if I don't. 
I was also listening to a song right after the guy left and it also convicted me of holding on to much. Here is just the chorus: 
When life doesn't go the way I thought it should

Sometimes it's because, God is good

And when plans fall apart though I never dreamed they would

Sometimes it's because, God is good


-John Waller- Because God is good


Wow! Longer post than I thought it would be. Oh well :)


In His Good Name,


Karis :)

(Not my picture)

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